*DISCLAIMER* As the title states, this blog post focuses on suicide and the language used when talking about those who have lost their lives to it. I will not be sharing any personal stories about loved ones who have died by suicide, as I do not want to trigger anyone with unpleasant emotions - including myself. However, I understand that a sensitive topic like this one can elicit negative feelings, and advise that this post be read at one's own discretion. This topic is extremely delicate and it is not my intention to disrespect anyone. When discussing something this keen, it is important to be cautious with the language used - which is the exact point of this post. Please note that the language used in this post is discreet and at the utmost respectful. Thank you.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. [1] In 2017, 47,173 Americans died by suicide, with an estimated 1,400,000 suicide attempts. [2] On average, there are 129 suicides per day. [3]
These statistics are just on suicide rates in the United States only. There are a plethora of countries throughout the world with the highest suicide rates such as Lesotho, Latvia, Ukraine, South Korea, Russia and more. [4]
When someone has died by suicide, how is it usually presented in a conversation?
People might say:
"He/She committed suicide"
"He/She completed suicide"
When talking about a person who did die by suicide, people might say:
"His/Her suicide was successful" or
"He/She successfully carried out his/her suicide"
When talking about a person who attempted suicide but did not die by it, people might say:
"His/Her suicide was unsuccessful" or
"His/Her attempt at suicide failed"
Even when discussing the nature of suicide and questioning why one died by it, people might say:
"He/She is selfish for having done that and leaving all his/her loved ones behind" or
"Poor Him/Her. He/She must've been weak-minded"
And I'm here to tell those reading this post who might be included in these people who use this language when addressing someone who has died by suicide, that this language NEEDS to change for the following reasons:
"Committed suicide"
The verb "commit" is often associated with the carrying out or perpetrating of an act that is a crime or sinful. [4] We use "commit" when describing a crime, such as someone who commits burglary, murder, rape, perjury, or a crime of any sort. When using the word "commit", we imply that sin or crime took place, which is a negative connotation on the person who died by suicide. Suicide is bad, without question, but, it's important to acknowledge that the person who died by suicide is not a bad person who committed a crime or sin. The act of suicide does not speak any levels of the person who died by it but is a product of "mental illness, intolerable stress, or trauma." [5] Portraying suicide as a crime or sin stigmatizes people who undergo suicidal thoughts or attempt suicide. This stigma can prevent people from seeking help from friends, family, and even professionals. [6] It condemns those experiencing suicidal thoughts, behaviors, and attempts, and those who have died by it, instead of treating them with compassion.
"Completed suicide"
When we complete a difficult task such as an intense project for work or a final research paper for a course, we feel a sense of accomplishment. This sense of accomplishment comes from the fact that what we were worried and stressed about is completed, and we no longer have to worry about it, feeling rewarded and successful.
In a university course or even in an email from your director, a project or assignment may be marked as "incomplete" which means that the remaining requirements weren't completed in time. This leaves a feeling of disappointment, stress, and annoyance.
Completion is good! But suicide is not.
The point I'm making with not using "completed suicide" is "completed" is often used positively and when one is proud of something. The following sentences are examples of the word "completed" being used in a positive manner:
"I completed the assignment I was stressing about. I can now go out with my friends!"
"He/She completes me and my life."
"It's a nice house, complete with a Pickett white fence and beautiful grass."
"Completed" and "committed" are interchangeable as both words stigmatize those experiencing suicidal ideations and attempts, and stigmatize those who died by suicide.
"Completion" can be viewed as something positive - but suicide is not.
"Committed" is viewed as something bad - but suicidal ideations, attempts, and those who've died by suicide are not.
*NOTE: When I say that suicidal ideations and attempts are not bad, I'm saying that such thoughts or actions after they're attempted should not be addressed to the person struggling as "bad", as it'll only make them feel worse and as if their suffering is something to be ashamed of.
"His/Her suicide was successful"
Much like the word "completion", "successful" is used when one is proud and accomplished. There is nothing successful when a person dies by suicide. Using that term can create a stigma that those who attempt suicide and die by it are "successful" and accomplished in the fact that they died. This word can also be triggering and sensitive to those who lost their loved one to suicide as "successes" are congratulated.
"His/Her suicide attempt failed"
When we fail at something, we often want to take control of what we failed at and better it through hard work and dedication so the next time there's an outcome, the only option is to be successful in it. Saying one's attempt at suicide "failed" creates a stigma that they weren't "good enough at it" and need to try harder for it next time - which is most definitely not the case, and should be handled with compassion.
"Those who die by suicide are weak, selfish, and are taking an easy way out"
There is NEVER an "easy way out" to mental illness or life. People do not die by suicide because they do not want to live - people die by suicide because they want to end their suffering. [7] Individuals who contemplate suicide are deeply suffering to the point they feel helpless and hopeless. It is not a matter of "thinking of themselves" as some people imply when they call those who want to die by suicide as "selfish" or even "weak", but is a matter of an individual going through an extremely serious mental health symptom due to mental health illness or a difficult life crisis. [8] Suicide is a hard topic to discuss but to carry it out is even harder - meaning anything regarding suicidal ideations, attempts, and death is not easy.
So, with everything stated above, you're probably asking:
When talking about someone who has died by suicide, what is the correct and considerate term to say?
I want to clarify that there is no one "correct" term when addressing those who lost their lives to suicide.However, there are a couple of terms that are considerate alternatives to those I stated above. They are:
"Died by suicide" - which I used significantly throughout this post. The vernacular of this term is different and confusing from others, as when we describe how a person died as a result of something, we usually use "of" or "from" not "by". Examples of this are "died of cancer" or "died from a bullet to the chest". However, it's important to note that death by suicide is different since it's done by someone's own hand. [9]
"Suicided" - an alternative to "successful suicide"
"Ended His/Her own life" or "Took His/Her own life" - an alternative to "completed suicide"
"Non-fatal attempt at suicide" - an alternative to "failed attempt at suicide"
"Attempt to end His/Her life" - an alternative to "unsuccessful suicide" [10]
Although these terms may take a while to adjust to and may sound odd at first, the more you use them in substitution of the stigmatizing terms, the more natural they will become.
The more you say "died by suicide", the more the terms like "committed suicide" or "completed suicide" will bother you and even hurt you.
As Stacy Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW states in "Language Matters: Committed Suicide vs. Completed Suicide vs. Died by Suicide",
"If changing our language can help suicidal people to feel safer asking for help, then changing language can save lives."
If you or a loved one is having suicidal ideations, behaviors, or have/has a plan to carry out suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 and visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
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