In the Spring of 2020, I had the privilege of facilitating a sexual health-oriented workshop for The University of Texas at El Paso's 2020 Love Your Body Week organized and hosted by the University's Student Engagement and Leadership Center (SELC). This blog post contains the information I presented at the workshop, which actively engaged students in attendance to openly discuss the following with their peers: Safety & Respect, Comfort & Pleasure, and Access to Education & Care.
Before sharing, I would like to extend a grand "Thank You" to the following people for providing me a space to share such information at the university level:
Julianne (Jules) Flores, M.Ed - Coordinator at SELC
Tomiko Reyes - Fraternity and Sorority Life Intern at SELC
Edgar Felix - Inclusion and Advocacy Intern at SELC
My entire work team
The students who attended the workshop in March 2020
I would also like to thank SELC for collaborating with M-Factor to provide free HIV Testing the morning and afternoon of the workshop!
The following link is to the presentation of the workshop. Please feel free to go through it on its own or while reading through this post: https://www.canva.com/design/DADSudFllNE/t779RiXqzniPL5Bwn_LyEw/view
Discussion Overview:
Sexual health and how to protect yourself
Care for your body
Care for other people's bodies
I strongly believe this session is crucial to the "Love Your Body" movement as it emphasizes how sexual health plays an important role in self-care and empowerment. To appreciate and take care of our bodies, it's important to protect them. Part of loving our bodies is preserving our health, which includes preventive care from sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted infections. Another crucial aspect of loving our bodies is respecting everyone else's too.
Before we begin this session, I want to provide the following disclaimer: This discussion is not going to ridicule you, your sexual preferences, or cultural and/or religious beliefs towards sex. Everyone has one thing in common - we each have a body we need to look after, which is the purpose of this session.
Sexual practices differ among people but should be the same in that they're safe and consensual.
This session also has nothing to do with respect in terms of the amount of partners one chooses to have or sleep with (no slut-shaming). It has to do with respecting your body enough to protect it from disease and respecting someone else's body by not putting theirs in danger.
This session is to educate the community on safety and respect in sex, and how it's applicable to anyone and everyone - no matter the gender, self-identity, sexual orientation, and so forth.
*When I refer to "your partner" or "partners", I am referring to a person you are sexually active with. The reason for this is I strongly believe that respect in sex should not only be given in a romantic, monogamous relationship but should also be given in friend-with-benefits relationships, strictly sexual relationships, poly-amorous relationships and so on.
What do you know about sexual health?
When it comes to defining “sexual health”, it can be difficult as each culture, sub-
culture, and individual define “sexual health” in their own way. When I talk
about sexual health, there are two definitions I believe are interchangeable
and properly define sexual health for all. The first one is from the World Health
Organization. According to the organization, sexual health is a state of physical,
mental, and social well-being in relation to sexuality. It requires a positive and
respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the
possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences free of coercion,
discrimination, and violence. The second one is from the American Sexual
Health Alliance, which is the ability to embrace and enjoy our sexuality
throughout our lives. Being sexually healthy means…. Safety, respect, comfort/pleasure, and access to education/care.
Why is sexual health important?
Sexual health is important because it holds each of us (including our partners) responsible and accountable, protects us from illness, promotes pleasurable and respectful experiences, builds communication, relationship and respect between partners, and promotes self-image.
How can we practice safety and respect for ourselves?
Engaging in safe-sex by:
Using protection during vaginal, anal, and oral sex. Protection includes male condoms, female condoms, dental dams, and finger cots.
Utilizing birth control. Birth control methods include the oral contraceptive pill, Intrauterine Device (IUD), the contraceptive ring, the emergency contraceptive (morning after) pill, and more. HOWEVER, DOES NOT PROTECT YOU FROM STDs.
Using lubricant during vaginal and anal sex. It can reduce the risk of a condom breaking during intercourse and can also make sexual activity more pleasurable. Sex without lubrication may also create vaginal micro-tears or anal fissures, leaving open cuts that STDs can be transmitted through.
Knowing your status:
If sexually active or have been in the past, it is crucial you are checked regularly for STDs. Some STDs do not cause significant symptoms or signs (known as "silent symptoms") until several weeks, months, or even years after you've contracted an STD. Sometimes they may not appear at all.
Seeking and receiving care:
In the event you contract an STD, it's important you seek proper treatment and not leave it untreated. If an STD isn't treated, you run the risk of other health problems.
Untreated chlamydia can cause pelvic inflammatory disease which can lead to the damage of the Fallopian tubes, cause infertility, and urethral infection. Untreated syphilis may begin to damage the internal organs, including the brain, nerves, eyes, heart, blood vessel, liver, bones, and joints.
Treated HIV can lead to an "undetectable = untransmittable" viral load if taking medication and regularly checking on viral load.
Having a positive attitude towards safer sex:
Without a positive attitude towards safer sex, you may not engage in behaviors that can reduce the risk of STDs or pregnancies.
"It feels better without a condom" or "I'll just pull out" are not positive attitudes toward safer sex.
Limiting your numbers of sexual partners:
You can lower your risk for getting an STD by putting a limit to your sexual partners.
HOWEVER, it only takes ONE person to receive an STD from. Meaning, even if your partners are limited, having unsafe sex with one person can still put you at risk.
If you have multiple sexual partners at once, ALWAYS practice safe vaginal, anal, and oral sex.
Communicating with partner(s):
Through communication with your partner(s), you can express your sexual desires, boundaries, and what you are absolutely not comfortable with.
NOTE: It is NOT your responsibility to prevent being assaulted. Although there are precautions to protect yourself from assault, it is the responsibility of a partner to not assault theirs. Whether it's a romantic relationship, purely sexual relationship, or one-night stand.
How can we provide safety and respect to your partner(s)?
Respecting their boundaries and what they are not comfortable with:
Understanding your partner's boundaries is the first step to respecting them.
Even if their boundaries don't match up with yours, respecting their boundaries isn't any less important.
Ensuring their safety and well-being should be considered in all aspects of the relationship.
Just because they may have been comfortable with something at one point (ex. a sex position) does NOT mean they'll always be comfortable with it. Consent can be retracted at any time.
Being open and honest:
If STD-positive, it is CRUCIAL you inform your partner(s): not telling them puts them at risk for contraction of the STD or doesn't inform them they may be already carrying it.
Encouraging safe sex practices:
Even if you find having unsafe sex pleasurable and enjoyable, your partner may not. Safe sex options should be communicated with your partner(s) with a positive attitude.
Utilizing protection promotes the health of your body and your partner's body.
NO STEALTHING - consenting to sex with protection but the act of condom removal during sex. NOT respecting your partner or their safety if this is done.
Educating yourself on your partner's sexual disorders, if applicable:
Female sexual dysfunction & erectile dysfunction
Sexual disorders can have an impact on a couple's relationship and negatively affect intimacy. Becoming educated on the disorder and not placing blame on your partner is respecting them. If the disorder involves pain during sex, through communication, you and your partner can find solutions to have pleasurable sex that does not cause pain.
Not being judgmental of your partner(s) past:
If your partner shares that they've been intimate with a considerable amount of people in the past (whether it was same-sex intimacy, opposite-sex intimacy, or both), and/or informs you they contacted an STD before and got treated for it, they should not be met with judgement.
Although it may interfere with your values and beliefs, it does not make disrespect or judgement okay.
How can your partner(s) ensure you comfort and pleasure? How can you provide comfort and pleasure to your partner(s)?
Communication and Respect!
Communication in Comfort and Pleasure
The greatest approach to comfort and pleasure in intimacy is through communication.
Through communication, you and your partner may able to:
Establish each of your boundaries
Express discomforts and desires
Ensure safety and consideration of feelings
Understand preferences and the person better
Build a stronger relationship/friendship and respect for one another
Respect in Comfort and Pleasure
Ensuring comfort and pleasure for both parties includes respecting one another.
By respecting each other, you and your partner(s) establish:
Trust and security in sexual, nonviolent sex
Contentment in body image
Reassurance in safety
More pleasurable experiences
Empowerment
EVERYONE DESERVES ACCESS TO EDUCATION AND CARE. IN ORDER TO PUT SOMETHING INTO PRACTICE, WE MUST BECOME EDUCATED IN THE TOPIC FIRST. TO PRESERVE OUR BODY, MINDS AND SPIRITS, ALONG WITH OUR SEXUAL PARTNERS, WE MUST CARE FOR AND PROTECT THEM.
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